Phlebotomic is a blog experiment that seeks to gather multiple perspectives around a common prompt, which is provided weekly.

Last week's prompt was "Beauty"...

This week's prompt is "Path"...

08 February 2009

My Greatest Fear: Surely I Can't Be the First to Say "Being Alone"?

There's a song by Don Chaffer that I wish I remembered the name to.
In it, he says the following:

"... I don't think I've ever wanted as much to be free as I long to be known.
Of all the things that I hate when I look at my life, the worst is my being alone."

That's it for me: being alone.
I'm aware that in light of the existence of G-d and His desire to be with us and for us to be with Him, this fear may be easily dismissed... at least it may be in moments of strong faith.
But, to be honest, my assurance of this fact comes few and far between.

A good friend of mine once told me that he'd come to the conclusion that no one could ever know him so completely as G-d, not even his wife. However hard you try to open yourself up to a friend, family member, or spouse, at the end of the day when you lay your head down on that pillow, it's just you and Him. But, can you imagine how it might feel to not have even that?

My first few months in China were unbelievably lonely. I knew absolutely no one. I was introduced to a few different people, but because I came alone and not as part of some organization, suspicion kept others at a distance from me. Could I be trusted? The deep secrets of my heart would have to remain with me. I had no choice but to cry out to the Father for consolation. Consolation also felt few and far between. I held on to the smallest pieces of Word for dear life.

Then, a month or so passed and my parents sent me a care package (I love that word, don't you? "care package"). In it was a CD by Jason Upton and on the CD was a song called "You're Never Alone, Martin". It was inspired by an experience of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He was up late in his kitchen one night, unable to sleep, praying. And he basically said something like, "Lord, I've spent all this time fighting for what I think is right, for justice and equality and everything that You stand for. And still there are people that hate me. I just need to know that I'm not alone, that You're with me. Please, Lord. Please."
And then as he wept quietly, he heard a voice that said, "You're never alone, Martin. You're never alone. I'll never leave you."

Man, what a reassurance, huh? I crave that.


  1. you were indeed the first. and, with the way you put it, you were the right one to deliver it.

  2. Great post! I know that feeling, as my first week in Venezuela sounds very similar. Not being able to freely communicate with others, and relying on the Most High gives you a different perspective on aloneness. Great words!